


Love Is A Word Too Short For Us

by AwayLaughing



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Crack Pairing, Drama, M/M, Melodrama, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-05
Updated: 2012-10-05
Packaged: 2017-11-15 16:25:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/529249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AwayLaughing/pseuds/AwayLaughing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Neji and Shikamaru are better versed in thoughts than feelings - but they feel all the same. And communication troubles never help when two people over think things.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Is A Word Too Short For Us

Sometimes Neji wants to ask Temari how she did it. He doesn't think it would be awkward, he doubts that their relationships have much in common other than Shikamaru being the object of affection.

He just doesn't understand Shikamaru. He never seems to really emote, and when he does Neji is unsure of whether or not it's genuine. The smiles are fleeting, the frowns so imperceptible he thinks he's hallucinating. Neji's not a particularly emotion oriented person, but he tries.

Then he worries he hasn't done enough, that Shikamaru's standoffish behaviour is because he's failing. Maybe Shikamaru is nervous because he feels Neji doesn't feel the same way. A tactical retreat, a strategic opening for himself. Or maybe Neji. Maybe Shikamaru's opening is for Neji, not himself. Where Neji can only see ten steps ahead, Shikamaru sees hundreds and Neji wonders if Shikamaru only sees endings.

He runs his hands through his hair, fiddling absently with the ends and staring out the window. He can see straight into Genma's kitchen from here, and in the late twilight he can see the older man making dinner. Their balcony is right there too with the same vantage point. Shikamaru, wearing what Neji thinks is his shirt, and a pair of sweats, smoke curling up from his cigarette makes them both look so lonely.

Sighing Neji sits up and heads to the bathroom, only grabbing a pair of boxers from the dresser because it's already open. Staring at the mirror above the sink Neji thinks idly that he can't cook if he lives alone. He pushes the thought away violently back in the recesses of his mind to intermingle with the uncharitable thoughts he occasionally still has about his cousins. 

No, their system where in Shikamaru cooks, Neji provides take out and does the dishes, works.

He thinks.

\--

Shikarmaru pulls in a deep breath when Neji rolls off him and next to his side, instinctively Shikamaru moves closer to a source of heat in the cool late fall night. He frowns when, seconds upon contact Neji's entire body freezes up. Shikamaru considers, for the thousandth time if maybe he should just ignore it, pull in further and damn the consequences if Neji gets annoyed.

His courage fails him though. He can put on a mask and go do the jobs even normal shinobi and kunoichi can't, but he can't bring himself to, he hates the word, snuggle with his boyfriend. With a sigh he sits up and grabs the first clothes he finds in his blind groping and snatches the pack of cigarettes off the bedside table. He slides the doors open only enough to get through, closing them again because he knows Neji hates the smell. It makes talking impossible, but Shikamaru is starting to suspect Neji doesn't care.

It takes him ten minutes to finish his cigarette, he doesn't smoke as much as people assume, it just takes him a long time to finish his cigarettes. He crushing it out on the burn riddled railing, he turns only to see the bed empty, and snorts in derision. The post sex shower, right. He doesn't blame Neji for being fastidious, being sticky with various bodily fluids isn't his preference either, but Neji's insistence on having his alone is a little disheartening.

He tries not to read into it, but he can't help but entertain the idea that Neji has to mentally prepare himself for sex. It makes Shikamaru's stomach clench, and he finds himself almost regretting sex once it's over. If Neji doesn't want to be touched Shikamaru wishes he would just come out and say it, it would be easier for both of them, maybe allow them to work it out, somehow.

Looking away from the bed and contemplating another cigarette he spots Genma who spots him in return and gives a tiny wave before returning to what looks like chopping vegetables. He waves back and heads into their tiny apartment. He can hear Neji out in the living room and after a quick clean up and change of clothing goes to join him. Neji is at the table, bent over what looks like reports.

“Your genin team?” he wagers and Neji doesn't even look up.

“I have quite a lot to say about them,” he says and Shikamaru suppresses a frown and a sigh.

“Should I make coffee?” Neji shakes his head in a few jerks. “Tea?” he tries again. Neji gives a wave of his hand toward the table, a cup is already in front of him. “Right then,” Shikamaru says. He's not sure what to do. Part of him says just go to bed, another says sit down and read. He settles for going to the bedroom and stripping the sheets. He shoves them into a basket and picks it up.

Passing by Neji he grabs his key chain, it holds their own key, one to the apartment, one to laundry and one whose purpose he never told Neji. “Laundry,” he says, holding up the basket, but Neji still doesn't look up. With a shake of his head Shikamaru leaves. He dumps the laundry in the wash, turning the machine on before heading out. He makes a beeline for the apartment door and heads over to the one next over.

He opens it easily and trudges up to the third floor. He only gets one knock in before Genma opens. The older jounin raises an eyebrow. “Neji away?” he asks and Shikamaru feels a rush of appreciation at Genma's deliberate obliviousness. 

He doesn't answer though and Genma opens the door wider. “I think I have enough for two,” he says and tacks on, “I think we'll eat in the living room though,” as if he had only just decided on it for no particular reason.

The living room can't be seen from Shikamaru's.

\--

Shikamaru has been away for ten days on a mission. A simple C-rank Shikamaru had dubbed troublesome and little more than a babysitting gig for some newly minted chuunin. Neji had taken that time to fret and worry, sometimes taking it on his poor unsuspecting genin. By the eighth day he's come to a decision. The tenth day comes, however, and Shikamaru comes home early to find Neji in the middle of packing. Neji can't help but swear under his breath, and it takes every shred of is not inconsiderable will power and bravery to turn and face him.

“You're packing,” he says flatly, and once again Neji cannot tell what he is thinking, what he is feeling.

“I am.”

Shikamaru sighs and runs a bandaged hand over his face. He mutters something to himself, probably _troublesome_ , Neji thinks sourly. “Why?”

“Ten-Ten needs help with her rent.”

Shikamaru looks up quickly, eyes actually widened. “Ten-Ten?” the stress Shikamaru puts on her name almost makes Neji frown.

“What's wrong with Ten-Ten?” he asks. Shikamaru just continues to give him that foreign look.

“What's wrong with Ten-Ten,” Shikamaru repeats it so flatly it's not even a question. The silence stretches between them. They're at a stalemate, neither wanting to speak up first. Or maybe they just don't know what to say.

“Nothing,” Shikamaru says finally and sits down heavily onto the edge of the bed and Neji has to make a small lunge to stop his pile of luggage from falling over. “Nothing,” he repeats. “I like Ten-Ten, she's not,” he trails off, “troublesome.”

Neji picks up only one of his two bags before he looks at Shikamaru expectantly. “This is generally where you ask me to stay.”

Shikamaru looks up so fast he probably gets whiplash. “This is generally where you want to say.” Shikamaru actually snaps, and Neji blinks.

“Want to stay? Of course I want to stay.” He throws his bags down again. “But staying with someone I make miserable wasn't in my life plan.”

“Well of course you're making me miserable, how am I supposed to when I'm living with someone who doesn't love me back.”

Shikamaru is angry. For maybe the first time Shikamaru is showing an emotion Neji can identify with confidence, but he's too angry to make note of it. “Doesn't love you back? What the hell does that mean?”

Shikamaru crosses his arms in what is probably defiance. “It means I went several months of saying 'I love you' and never got even a non verbal indication you felt the same.” Neji feels like he's been punched in the stomach. Shikamaru had been the first to say it, and Neji had been somewhat startled by it, but by the time he'd worked up his courage – there is is, failing him again – Shikamaru had stopped.

Now he doesn't know what to say and he sits down next to Shikamaru, lips pressed together but the rest of his face blank as his mind races, looking for something to say. Shikamaru isn't looking at him, instead he's looking at the bags on the ground and finally, giving up on trying to think it through, Neji reaches over and takes Shikamaru's injured hand in his own.

Shikamaru tries to pull away but Neji stays as firm as he dares, hoping he's not hurting Shikamaru. The other tries a few more tugs before giving up. He's only looking at Neji from the corner of his eye, and frowns slightly when Neji slowly unravels the bandage. “I didn't know how to say it,” he says, voice only just above a whisper.

“Did you even try?” Neji doesn't dare look Shikamaru in the eye, instead he carefully inspects Shikamaru's injuries. His entire hand from the knuckles up is a startling blue-black, all the way up his inner arm to just under the crook of his elbow. Neji cannot think of what happened, but he lightly traces cool fingers over the bruising, feeling the skin jump slightly.

Neji turns Shikamaru's hand over and notes the red rawness of his knuckles. “Maybe not,” he says, “but I didn't exactly get much help.” On a whim, and before Shikamaru can reply, he presses an air light kiss to the back of Shikamaru's fingers, feels the tightening of the tendons there as the curl slightly. “Is this what you saw happening?” Neji's always wondered about how Shikamaru's brain works, but even he a so called genius in his own right cannot break the world into pieces like Shikamaru does.

“I'm not clairvoyant,” Shikamaru says, and this time when he tugs away Neji lets him. “But no, I focused on only good endings.” He flexes his fingers a little more and winces. “Genius indeed.”

Neji thinks for a few seconds before stretching out a foot and kicking one bag to the left, where it stops just short of the wall. “Indeed,” he replies and Neji turns and looks Shikamaru in the eyes for the first time. The weight of those dark eyes on him is uncomfortable, maybe even sad. 

“I can't ask you stay,” Shikamaru whispers and Neji's breath freezes, “I can't guilt you into it.”

“Guilt,” Neji echoes and looks down at Shikamaru's arm. “How did you get this?”

“Don't change the subject.”

“I'm not.”

“It's complicated. And a long story.”

“Exactly.” Shikamaru cocks his head at that and suddenly gives a snort, he sounds almost amused. After a moment he leans forward and rests his forehead on Neji's shoulder.

“Complicated and troublesome,” he says and Neji ends up manipulating them both into a standing position, Shikamaru swaying on his feet.

“We'll take care of that in the bathroom,” he says, stepping closer to Shikamaru to steady him. “It's pretty bad.”

“Yeah,” Shikamaru agrees, somehow making his way to the bathroom without toppling over, even with Neji's help.

“It will heal eventually,” Neji tells him, trying not to wince at the heavy way Shikamaru almost falls onto the covered toilet.

“I suppose it will,” Shikamaru cedes. “I hope anyway. It would be very,” he pauses, “very troublesome, otherwise.”

\--

Genma watches the couple leave their bedroom, almost jumping when he's poked in the back. “What are you looking at?”

Genma gives a tiny smile, “I'll have to wait and see.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is so bad - I don't know why I'm admitting to being the one who unleashed it on the world. Please don't yell at me, I know it's bad and pretty much OOC. And as for Genma...well, you can decide what's up with him. I almost put in a tag for "needless angst" but didn't want to mess with the system.


End file.
